Discontent Rejection
by Hannah8
Summary: Another Carby Board challenge fic. A joint effort with Carrie. Post ep for Supplies and Demands


Disclaimer: We don't own the songs Run To You or Tears in Heaven  
  
Discontented Rejection - Discontent/Rejection  
  
A Supplies and Demands Post Ep  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
I watch her leave. Another wasted opportunity  
  
She handed me a silver platter and what did I do, throw it back in her face.  
  
It wasn't her fault; you can't help who you fall for.  
  
Maybe she had gotten over Luka, maybe she had broken up with Luka for me, maybe I'm not totally besotted with her.  
  
God I hate that word. Maybe. Such an uncertain word, so open ended, so treacherous.  
  
I don't want maybe.  
  
If she had got over Luka, she wouldn't care about Nicole, that he had gotten her a job, that he spent a lot of time with her. If she was over him that wouldn't matter.  
  
If I was over her then I wouldn't have sat on that bench for the last half hour over-analysising what she had said.  
  
So I get up and walk to the car. I sit listening to some stupid love song that I could do without right now then eventually I start the car.  
  
I deserve more than a halfhearted relationship and I'm not willing to take that risk. What we have is good, minus the whole sexual tension thing.  
  
I wonder why there's so little traffic around, mind you, most people have better things to do with their time than drive around Chicago aimlessly.  
  
Maybe I was expecting a virgin, maybe I was expecting the impossible, maybe I was setting too high standards but maybe I should cut my losses.  
  
Tonight she'd told me outright that she was anticipating something between us, so maybe she hadn't done anything to move it forward but neither had I; since the rampage we've barely spoken about anything of importance, well at least not out loud.  
  
But there wasn't a lot I could do now. Maybe tomorrow I could climb out of the hole I'd dug myself, maybe sleep would help clear things up, maybe words spoke more than actions, maybe walls jumped out in front of cars, maybe brakes were designed to be used.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
I know that when you look at me There's so much that you just don't see But if you would only take the time I know in my heart you'd find Oh a girl that's scared sometimes Who isn't always strong Can't you see the hurt in me I feel so all alone  
  
Each day, each day I play the role Of someone always in control But at night I come home and turn the key There's nobody there, no one cares for me Oh woah what's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams Without someone to share them with Tell me what does it mean  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm halfway back to my apartment when I reach into my coat pocket, in search of my keys and come up empty handed. I've done it again - I've left my keys back at county. I glance dubiously back at the El station, dreading the idea of making my way back, when am idea springs to mind. Luka's place is just round the corner, he still has my spare house keys - it would be so much closer. I wince at the thought of showing up at his door, but my laziness gets the better of me and I find my feet carrying me in the direction of his apartment.  
  
I knock weakly on the door and am greeted by a tired looking Luka, he doesn't just look tired - he looks like hell.  
  
"Hey, I know it's a little late - I didn't wake you did I?' I ask, trying to sound concerned.  
  
'Yeah - you woke me up.' he says, but upon seeing the dopey look on my face, he smiles and continues, 'but it doesn't matter so much. Is anything wrong?'  
  
'Yeah, I.I left the keys to my apartment at County and, you have my spare keys - right? Only, your place was so much closer.' I say, not at all liking the fact that the corners of mouth are twitching upwards.  
  
He hands me the keys and just as I'm beginning to enjoy talking to him, he says, 'Is that it? Not to be rude or anything, but I was sleeping and .I would like to, uh, continue with that.'  
  
So I leave, rejected again and as I walk down the street leading to my apartment, I can't help casting my mind over the events of the day. Well not so much the events, as one short discussion. Part of me can't believe that he doesn't want me any more, whilst the other part is telling me to grow up.  
  
The thing is- I don't want to grow up. I want it to be like when I was young, carefree and innocent. I blink at this thought, almost laughing at it. I've never been carefree, I've always had someone to worry about - I've always had to look after someone else. So let me amend that statement - I want it to be like when some adult out there was young, carefree and innocent.  
  
I don't want to care about him, I don't want to care about what he does, who he sees - I just want to forget about him. Forget about John Carter - what a joke. As I turn the keys in the lock, I hit the wall with my free hand. I hit it in frustration and annoyance; I hit it because I can't control my mind. I hit it because I can't control my heart.  
  
I fall back onto the couch and shut my eyes, blocking out the world. I'm interrupted by the ringing of the phone; I scowl as my arm reaches out towards it. It must be him, I don't want to talk to him, I want to pretend that he doesn't exist. I use my arm to pull the telephone cord out of the phone, and smile at the silence.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees. Time can break your heart, have you begging please.  
  
Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure, And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N Ok me and Carrie would like to thank um, everyone at the Carby board because we love you!! 


End file.
